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Wow. Yesterday I had no post for today. I thought of cookies and it all came unglued. Much later in the day, I prayed for a topic, you know, anything light and quick and holiday appropriate and I ended in the deep silent tears of conviction. It was a crazy stressy day.
The day started with someone else’s need. Need it now. I said nasty words, said to Jerry my character needs molding, and loved it when he laughed. I moved on and looked at the day with expectation of Advent blessing. I love the Christmas season and all it entails. I sat and read my devotional and thought about being blessed and blessing others. I was ready to go.
I decided to begin with sewing. Then I remembered I needed to make yogurt. So I stopped to do that and Jerry asked for a lunch box and I remembered we were out of bread, so I started a batch of bread. I thought about the blog as I answered the phone and decided I needed 3 kinds of cookies. So I started 3 kinds of cookies only to find I was out of flour.
OK. That meant a trip to market after work hours. In the mean time I sewed a cute plaid pony, feeling on a roll with my sewing, but then I was sidelined with the phone and more needs. I quickly ate lunch, made the bread into loaves and put the yogurt in the oven to do its thing.
I ran to the bank, thinking as long as I was on that side of town I would do my other errands. Suddenly, I remembered that a Christmasy UPS delivery did not happen the day before, as tracked. Oh, no! But I couldn’t just go home, I did not have any flour. I ran to the market; I just needed milk, eggs and flour. Standing in the checkout line I read a Facebook post from someone whose UPS delivery was stolen from her porch. Oh, no! I rushed home, slowing to 25 when children are present, and saw a huge box sitting on my porch. What a relief. Delivery and no theft. But no milk.
Heaving the box inside I decided it needed to be wrapped immediately. I pulled out all the wrapping gear and somehow in the process knocked the cutting board, throwing my awesome Gingher scissors to the floor. No, I wasn’t using them to cut paper, they were just sitting there, from when I was sewing earlier. Oh, my poor sproinged scissors. I hope the scissor man can fix them.
That was when I stopped and faced the stressy feeling I was dealing with as I drove around town. That is not a typical feeling for me. I like being busy and making things happen. But yesterday I felt really stressed. And I had to face that it was basically my raging emotions causing the stress. Of course there was some time management fail going on, and some forgetfulness, but there was also a sense of entitlement with the resulting annoyance.
So what did I do? I baked up the chocolate cookies and ate some. (and no, I do not always do this) And all the time I was pushing away conviction. That is when I started praying.
Andrew Murray nails in The Master’s Indwelling, saying, “What was it that led Peter to deny Jesus? … Self-confidence.” I read that last night and tried to ignore it. But as long as all the good stuff I am doing is all about me, then it is a fail.
We can’t fake Advent. It’s not about sweet devotions and warm decor and blessing those on our gift list. We can do it all, some of us more easily than others, all on our own, while we say come Lord Jesus without letting Him in. We bless only when filled so full of blessing by the indwelling of Jesus that nothing else comes out. That nod to God that leaves us feeling self-confident just doesn’t do it.